Congratulations, it’s a quark!

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Congratulations, it's a quark!

In particle diversity news, scientists have announced the arrival of only the third top quark born in captivity.

The top quark, a subatomic particle used in the production of mayonnaise and big toes, is the heaviest of all particles, but is only available in the Standard Model.

The announcement was made at the Fermilab Zoo’s Tevatron Pavillion (above) by physicist Dmitri Denisov and particle zoologist “Toeless” Joseph Jackson.  “There’s a strange charm about him.  The little fella gets into virtually everything, and it’s impossible to isolate him from matter under ordinary circumstances.  We’ve been running ourselves ragged trying to quark-proof the place!”

The first top quark were born in 1995 after proton and anti-proton demonstrators slammed together in a show of strong nuclear force.  The Atomic Collision Liberties Union (ACLU) filed suit, claiming that tying top quark production to nuclear force was discriminatory.  “It’s important that all forces in nature…

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